This must be my first tittled post. Guess i finally got a tad smarter. I can now say with confidence that i am smarter than a monkey. Wishful thinking, but i like to keep my head in the clouds and live a fictional life occasionally.
A life where i don't frequently stumble and fall into cow dung on a daily basis.
See how poetic i can be? By using the phrase cow dung, i am able to sub categorize factors such as meeting events that make a mockery of me, encountering awkward moments that puts you in a situation where every next move you make gets you deeper into the cow dung pile , getting myself bullied, etc etc and the list goes on.
Speaking of getting bullied, i was most probably the second most targeted sucker back when i was twelve or thirteen. " What??!! " you might exclaim. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on whose point of view you choose to look at it, there was someone worse off than me.
His name is or was Shaun. He had a small built that slightly resembles the female species. Droopy shoulders, scrawny arms and legs and a tendency to fashion himself with pink accessaries.
What do you get when you put the most bullied guy in school with the second most wanted sucker together?
Naturally, we became good friends.
With him around, i felt safe, i felt protected, i felt invulnerable, i felt like Ironman.
Not by his presence but knowing that i was second in choice to eating a knuckle sandwich.
Besides, with him around, i could exercise my bully rights and for once not play the protagonist role. I could be the Bad Boy while still preserving our friendship. Our relationship was complicated.
I would greet Shaun every single time we happened to bump into each other. Be it at the canteen or beyond school boundaries. I made a personal effort to ensure that our level of friendship remained as close knitted as Hollywood marriages.
I saw Shaun in a mall one day with his parents and thought to myself, why the conventional pat on the back?
Do i dare take a simple ' Hello ' to the next level? Wouldnt the same casual ' Hello ' put a strain on our relationship ?
I decided to broaden my horizons to alternative forms of greetings.
I stealthily sneaked up on Shaun who was wearing his signature pink polo tee. I cant really use the word stealthily to describe myself. Being a fat overweight kid waives whatever rights you have to delineate yourself as ' Stealthily. '
Anyways, by the time i was behind Shaun, everyone else was suspiciously looking at the stupid fat kid. They were all eager to see my next move.
What was my next move?
Like a tiger pouncing on it's unsuspecting prey, I pounced on Shaun with a gleeful cheer,
" Wazzzuuupp Brada ??!!!! "
What was i thinking? As usual, i wasn't thinking.
I forgot to take into account that a fat kid jumping on a pink polo tee attired scrawny, skinny kid equates into a first degree homicidal attempt.
After we untangled ourselves from a position that resembled an activity that the homosexuals actively participates in, i apologized profusely. Needless to say, all eyes were on us. Shaun gracefully picked himself up and looked me in the eye.
I met a side of Shaun that i have never seen before. He looked me eye to eye with trembling lips. His tear filled eyes displayed an array of emotions that poured deep into my soul. I have witnessed him cry countless times and yet, this was a side of him that i have never met before.
Could it be due to the public humiliation that brought out a different side of Shaun?
Or the fact that the physical pain was different from the usual bashes from the bullies?
It was neither of those.
The reason was simple.
It wasn't Shaun.
I forgot how Shaun physically resembled a girl. Why was she wearing the same pink polo tee? WHY?
I received death stares from onlookers and the poor victims parents. The same death stares that i imagine the lowest low life criminals receive during their public execution.
Again and again i apologized to their parents stating how i stupidly confused their daughter to be the most bullied guy in school. To which they were enraged further by the fact that i could not distinguish their daughter from a boy.
At that moment of time, i buried my face in my hands in prayer. A prayer that the rapture would take place. A rapture that will free me from the trials and tribulations that was persecuting every ounce of being in me.
Fortunately, her parents decided not to press charges on a fat stupid minor and just warned me off with death threats and verbal abuses. I severely punished myself later to a tub load of fried chicken and chips.
That poor girl. That stupid fat kid must have left you a physical and emotional scar.
Dear victim,
If by some miraculous way that you are reading this post, i am truly sorry and would have the same scenario reenacted upon me as a symbol of my sincerest apologies.
With best regards,
The stupid fat kid who jumped on you.
Post a Comment