Saturday, 29 March 2008

•     The are hundreds of variations to the term ' phobia '. There are even phobias to cater to those who are fearful of books, money, constipation, chopsticks, hearing good news, the dutch, the french and my personal favorite, the fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis. Don't believe me ? Try Ithyphallophobia.
  
      Its interesting, but what's more interesting is how u discover your ' phobia(s)'. I'm not gonna be Mr Macho and claim that i have no phobias. Heck, i think i have half the list of phobias out there. Ithyphallophobia is definitely not one of them.
  
      Here is a scenario which happened to me when i discovered i had a mild case of Cleithrophobia. It happened not too long ago somewhere near Asia Cafe. It was at approximately 2 AM in the morning. We were all tired and was about to make our way home.
  
      Walked up to my car and opened the door. In entered the car through the drivers side and noticed my friend giving me a stupid/retarded look on his face from the passenger side . My friend was carpooling with me. At 2 AM, i wasn't in the mood to shoot back stupid faces. Hence me shouting,
  
  " Get in the car lar!! You semi retarded or what? "
  
  " I cant lar fool !! The door is locked. "
  
      Strange. As historic as my car is, there was still some sort of central locking system that should have opened up all the doors. Oh, just to mention, the locks on all the doors are embedded in the door itself when locked. It submerges fully into the door and u cant manually pull it up to unlock the door like most protons. The only way around it is to push a red button below the steering wheel at the drivers side which will unlock all the doors.
  
      I ignored his rants for a while and decided to start the engine first and maybe drive off without him. Unfortunately, i could not. In some miraculous way, the battery completely died. Did not surprise me though, you won't believe the unlucky things that befall upon me.
  
  " Eh. battery die leh. "
  
  " Let me in the car first lar fool. "
  
      So, okay lar, decided to open the door for him. Slammed my door shut, locked it and pressed the red button. By way of physics, logic and mathematics, all 4 doors should have been unlocked. But NO !! Not in my world !!
  It doesn't work that way from where i come from.
  
      It was actually my fault. Being the genius i am, i forgot that the central locking system didn't work due to the battery failure. The red button thingy failed to unlcok all the doors too. I heard my friends faint shout from outside.
  
  " What you doing wor?? "
  
  " I cant open lar fool, i forgot that the battery died. Let me get out and we call AAM or something lar "
  
      So i opened my door or at least i tried to only to discover that i locked it and i couldn't open it. I tried pushing the red button like 100000 times. The locks still wouldn't budge. I was entrapped !!! I couldn't pull the door locks open like most cars. Its submerged all the way inside the door !!
  
  " Woi, I'm stuck wei, I cant get out. I cant unlock it. "
  
      Suddenly it struck me. I'm gonna be stuck here until AAM comes. Knowing their service. It could well take up to more than an hour. Plenty of things went through my mind. Will there be enough Oxygen? Will some cockroaches emerge from within the car? Will rapists take advantage of the situation and rape my friend who was outside the car? Will i shed leg hair from this incident? It didn't help that i was breathing harder than i usually do, depleting my limited source of oxygen.
  
  During this encounter i also witnessed an amazing spectacle.
  
  I actually saw a face of a retard transform to that of an ape chemically infused with laughing gas.
  
  I swear its true !!
  
  Its true i tell you !!!
  
  It was just outside my car !!
  
  I saw it with my own two eyes.
  
      That ass. He didn't even think for a second about the seriousness of the situation. After 20 minutes, I was perspiring, anxious and on the verge of insanity. AAM called and said they could not find the place and they would take slightly longer than expected.
  
      That was bad. I contemplated breaking the window. But then, there would be the issue of  the bleeding arm and cost repair. I glanced out my window and wished that the intoxicated air of the KL streets would fill my lungs. I also wished that that laughing ape would get out of my view so i don't turn suicidal.
  
      Well, at least i got one of my wishes. I got air back into my lungs again. The genius part of it was me forgetting that the rear doors had manually powered windows. Those old fashion scroll down windows that i could climb out of.
  
      There you have it. The story of how i discovered one of my phobias. People think that these stories which i tell are fiction. Believe me, i don't know why this kinda things happen to me, but it does. Its all true. I actually have a bunch of friends who experience the same things too. We used to have a blog together but people like Anthony wanted personal fame and glory and ventured out on his own.
  
  Ps : Cleithrophobia or Cleisiophobia- Fear of being locked in an enclosed place.
  
  Ps : Despite all those rumors, I'm NOT gay.
  
  
  

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